Philotas Procrastinates!

Friday, March 25, 2005

Good Friday

This would have to be my favorite day of the Christian Year. I enjoy Christmas, and I enjoy the feelings of Easter Morning, but Good Friday really brings it home to me.
Jesus Died. A man, who had done nothing wrong, died. and no matter what your belief about that man, its incontrovertable fact that he was crucified, and he died believeing that doing so he was able to save you.
If thats all you're willing to accept then so be it and I pray that you will move on to that next step about believing who he was and exactly why he allowed that to happen.

And make no mistake, Jesus ALLOWED it. I can scarecly imagine it. You created everything that has been created. you have the power to change/do anything you want to. your creations are far beneath you. you are without equal.
Then imagine that you loved your creation so much that you were willing to humble yourself, that you were willing to throw off every power all your glory and be born in a body that is flesh and blood. to give up all that to live among the things you had created.
As if that wasnt enough, You knew that in the end you had to let yourself be killed by your own creation. The Creator, The Most High, the most powerful, wonderful, unexplinable being in existence allows himself to be whipped beaten flogged, humiliated...HURT by the things of clay he made, And then nailed to a cross to be killed. How could you stand that? how could you resist the urge to make it all stop in a flash? Jesus could have called down all the legions of heaven to destroy those who meant him harm. but he didnt.
He ALLOWED himself to be killed. The Creator Killed by the Creation to save them from themselves.

"Hands that flung stars into space
to cruel nails surrendered."

But more than actually being killed when you could save yourself... you are betrayed by the ones you trusted most. Your Friends abandon you for fear of their own lives, and your best friend says three times that he never knew you. Never.
Then worst of all. In the hour of your greatest need. when you are in unimaginable pain, hanging there exposed to the elements and to the world. the one thing that you could always count on.. your Father. he abandons you too.
God the Father...must abandon his only son. Must sit idly by and watch him die. His people who he had shepherded across the centuries killing your son. can you imagine the pain and anguish? of just an ordinary father having to stand by and watch his son die? then give that father the power of all creation and more, The restraint is incredible. He could have lashed out and scoured all creation for daring to kill his beloved Son.

Here is a part from our service order from this mornings service (its a common one for Good Friday services). To me these words really hit home. Although it is Jesus speaking, I hear it clearly as God the Father. This is a father in mourning, you can hear the anguish, the pain and the anger.

EDIT: I couldnt find the service order, but found a similar 'reproach' on the net

Oh my people, what have I done to you? How have I offended you? Answer me!
I led you out of Egypt, from slavery to freedom: yet you led your Saviour to the cross. For forty years I led you safely through the desert. I fed you with manna from heaven, and brought you to a land of plenty; but you led your Saviour to the cross.

What more could I have done for you? Oh my people. I planted you as my fairest vine,
but you yielded only bitterness. and you pierced your Saviour with a lance. I opened the sea before you: but you opened his side with a spear. Oh My people.

Oh My people, what have I done to you? How have I offended you? Answer me!
I gave you saving water from the rock: but you gave me gall and vinegar to drink.
I gave you a royal sceptre: but you gave me a crown of thorns.
I raised you to the heights of majesty: but you raised me high on a cross.
Oh My people, what have I done to you? How have I offended you? Answer me!

With eternal love have I loved you: but you raised your Saviour on the cross.
My people, what have I done to you? How have I offended you? Answer me!
Oh My people.

When he says 'Oh my people' I can only imagine the sorrow. the betrayal he must feel.

Our church is pretty traditional. but in this liturgy I feel there is something there, not just sticking to it for a sense of history, but there is a reverence to it.
During the service there was a song played. Now i am not a great fan of modern Christian music, just as im not a great fan of pop stuff. but this song really got its message across to me and I'll end with it today. Its by Nichole Nordeman, and It's called 'Why'

We rode into town the other day
Just me and my Daddy
He said I'd finally reached that age
And I could ride next to him on a horse
That of course was not quite as wide

We heard a crowd of people shouting
And so we stopped to find out why
And there was that man
That my dad said he loved
But today there was fear in his eyes

So I said "Daddy, why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why is He dressed in that bright purple robe?
I'll bet that crown hurts Him more than He shows
Daddy, please can't you do something?
He looks as though He's gonna cry
you said he was stronger than all of those guys
addy, please tell me why
Why does everyone want him to die?"

Later that day the sky grew cloudy
And Daddy said I should go inside
Somehow he knew things would get stormy
Boy was he right
But I could not keep from wondering
If there was something he had to hide

So after he left I had to find out
I was not afraid of getting lost
So I followed the crowds
To a hill where I knew men had been killed
And I heard a voice come from the cross

And it said, "Father, why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why are they casting their lots for My robe?
This crown of thorns hurts Me more than it shows
Father, please can't You do something?
I know that You must hear My cry
I thought I could handle the cross of this size
Father, remind Me why
Why does everyone want Me to die?
When will I understand why?"

"My precious Son, I hear them screaming
I'm watching the face of the enemy beaming
But soon I will clothe You in robes of My own
Jesus, this hurts Me much more than You know
But this dark hour I must do nothing
Though I've heard Your unbearable cry
The power in Your blood destroys all of the lies
Soon You'll see past their unmerciful eyes
Look there below, see the child
Trembling by her father's side
Now I can tell You why
She is why You must die"

Thank you Jesus.

# posted by Philotas @ 11:34 PM

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Wednesday, March 23, 2005

A Post about Girls and Relationships

Dont hate me! im not really a misogynist!

Hi hello and greetings once again from Sam! I really have to do something about Philotas, my evil twin from an alternate dimension. He's getting out of hand.
But today's post is not about him! Its about females. *senses danger imminent* And about relationships and a bit about me i guess too!

Recentley Ive been quite shocked to hear some things. These things involve 3 people I know. well, 4 really.
Steve Brine and Deb - are getting married. Fair enough. theyd been going out for about 1.5years at least, and are about 27ish.
but these other two...
Angela Koplick - Girl who I used to teach sunday school with, is getting married. She is 20.
And the big one, the one i can't believe.
[EDIT: I HAVE NOW DISCOVERED THAT ELLIE IS NOT ENGAGED. IT WAS A RUMOUR THAT HAD EVERYONE THIS SIDE OF AMERICA FOOLED! ROCK ON!]
I have three words here.
What the krap.
Now, before I go any further, I must say that I'm happy for all of them! and good luck I say! But...

Frankly Im scared. What are these people thinking! Throwing away their young lives. DO they realise that for the rest of their lives they are forever paired with someone? never their own person? Always having to watch out for this other person? ARGH!

It just feels so weird. And so soon. I mean, I have no doubt that one day I too will be happily married. but at the moment Im hoping to high heaven that that day is a long time coming!
I want to be my own person. I want to have a 'bachelor pad' an apartment all my own! I want to travel the world, do the things I want to do, see the things I want to see! Heh. Come home from a hard days work, make myself some Nachos, watch some TV and play computer (of course, plan for the next day's teaching too and practice music!)

Now that I already sound like an idiot, lets confirm it! Females! they confuse/worry/anger me. bit of a blanket statement I know, and as many of my audience members are indeed female, let me qualify this!
Let me start by saying that many females I know are quite personable. great mates and all that! But there are other females out there... who just argh. so frustrating.

Ok. Here is a list of certain characteristics that I have witnessed in SOME females that absolutely annoy the hell out of me:
- Tendency to be very melodramatic
- Tendency to be very touchy-feely, and if you're not, then heaven help you because you dont understand.
- Tendency to be manipulative (Can Also apply to guys)
- Thinking only from their perspective. The idea that the way they think is the way everyone thinks (Guys too)
- Girls who use their body to get attention, or try to claim some sort of 'power' over men.
- Girls who play games, whether intentionally or unintentionally, with guys minds. Do you know how cruel that is? Shout out to my mate here if youre reading you know who you are!

I could go on but i feel that ive dug my grave already. better go lie in it and wait for the assassins. Ninjas are cool.

If you are a girl, Im sorry. And if you are a girl I know, dont kill me. but realise that those characteristics are present in quite a few girls. not meaning that all girls are like that, and certainly not saying that there arent any girls out there with NONE of these characteristics.

And... oh bugger it. If you take this personally thats your choice. just know that this post doesnt refer to anyone, and as such Im not writing ABOUT anyone this post was not meant to offend. that is all! :P

the floodgates are open!

SAM

# posted by Philotas @ 3:19 PM

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Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Philotas Strikes Back

Hah! The fool Sam has actually gone to sleep! and that means, IM BACK! yes ladies and gents, but mostly the ladies, Philotas, the man the myth the legend is here to solve all your pathetic problems. Some ask me, 'Philotas, how do you do it?' I tell them 'Some were cursed to forever seek answers, and Others were cursed to know, and be incredibly gorgeous, rich and famous.'

So I now present to you 3 more letters I have recieved, which make days of our lives look like Jessica Simpson!

Philotas,
I desperately need your advice on how to avoid women. I think a particular girl likes me, but for various reasons it is blasted inconvenient. It doesn't help that I quite like her. How do I stay strong and single? What secrets do you have for making the ladies flee in terror?
Marlon Brando.

Marlon, I sympathise! Some would suggest not bathing, or excess crudity. Temporary solutions!
I say, go out with her. Things eventually sour. You'll wish you had free time and ability to do things your way and she'll begin to nag/pick fault. Then you can break up, desire for singleness reinforced!

Dear Pain Monkey
I have a growth that appears on my back whenever I go home. It responds to me
when I talk to it and we get along quite well. However I'm sure if the growth
wasn't on my back but was perhaps next to me we would get along better.
What is the least painful way to get rid of this growth? I'd like to do it in
a holistic way, also treating the cause rather than the symptom.
I am finding it hard to walk around and even moving at all is a challenge.
What do you reccommend?
anon person who is not michelle

People! Don’t realise how lucky they are! Haven’t you ever heard the saying ‘two heads are better than one?’ Find a way to permanently attach this growth (blowtorches on special at Kmart). Benefits far outweigh losing the ability to move or even the horrible mocking you will no doubt endure!

Now, this next letter seems to be from a fine lady indeed, it was coupled with some interesting attachments and a very…intimate poem! Which I wouldn’t dare publish for concern over the younger audiences that may be reading! but, when you are cursed by nature as I am, with boyish good looks and roguish charm, letters like these become a way of life! So Without further ado…

Dear Uncle Pain Monkey,
I love your new column on your weblog. How Manly. I can barely contain myself!
in fact, perhaps you could help with this problem. I think I am in love with my agony aunt. His name is Aunty Philotas.
The way he gives advice is so authoritative and strong; his typing skills send shivers down my spine, and his insightful, helpful replies hint at the sensitive caring man that is inside.
Oh Pain Monkey, cure me from this foul disease of love!

Lucky I have a few standard replies left!

Congratulations [insert name here] you have fallen for Philotas.
The magnificent Philotas received your letter and has placed your application in the queue. You are currently booked as the 15TH recipient of Philotas’ attention for the month October 2006.
Thanks for your expression of interest in Philotas, Master of Manliness.

Whew! someone stop me before the brilliance just bursts out of me in an uncontrollable flood of wit and intelligence! In any other medium i'd be charging for this!

Rememebr, to have your problems solved in 50 words or less, write me at alakazam200@hotmail.com the answers are only a click away!

PHILOTAS

# posted by Philotas @ 12:36 AM

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Sunday, March 20, 2005

A lone Tumbleweed rolls across the desert landscape...

Wow! my blog is a neglecterino! Im sorry Blog! but i had to recover after someone hit me over the head locked me in a cupboard and took over my blog. I only escaped thanks to some Macguyver-esque ingenuity involving Duct Tape, Rubber bands and one large Armadillo. You do the math.

Anyhoo Im here now so lets get down to the posting! Tally ho and all that sort of thing

Things on my mind -

headphones - well, technically theyre on my head. so they dont count.

Hair - also on my head. for now! unlike my friend Aaron whose 3 year crop of curly black hair has now gone towards making a wig thanks to his contributions to shave for a cure.

Money - Im in the hole! damn that .com business! ^_^ no, just some recent purchases (not comic related i swear! some car business and some other stuff! Uni Fees etc.)

Music - I really should be trying harder. If my career is going to be music teaching :P Have an 8th Grade Piano exam this year (july hopefully) but my pieces arent up to scratch yet! argh.

Demons - ARGH GET THEM OUT. no, just thinking of writing up a devotion about demons in todays world. really interesting stuff! everyone should see the show 'John Safran VS God' he's a real smart alec and annoying as all hell, but the last episode is very thought provoking (he gets Exorcised).

Assignments - oh theyre there. lurking in the recesses of my mind! its all good! ive got a week plus a week of holidays! only 2 due the week back, its all good! procrastination rules once more!

Church Troubles - Sigh. Wish some people would build a bridge and get over it.

Girl Trouble - Not likely! Enjoying my singlehood with a vengeance. the only time i ever think about the possibility of relationships is when I am either the third or fifth wheel. but then i come back to reality, slap myself and realise how lucky I am!

OK, Ive been building up to it so its a big one! (you know its big because its in capital letters!)

DEFER - I am thinking very hard about my professional year next year. the 5th and final year of my degree in which most work is done out in schools actually teaching. but. i have also been thinking, what if i were to defer this for a year? work my butt off in the first half, and in the second half go travelling! There are so many places i want to visit and now is the best time of my life to go and experience things.
LIke my friend said, when you are young you can go places and see things that if you went when older, attached and possibly with kids, you couldnt. you would stay in cheap hostels or with friends and get to experience first hand overseas life.
My Dad actually supports the idea. which is quite unusual.
I have two choices. Defer next year then do professional year or do prof year next year then when ive graduated work part time and go travelling. then come back to work. I think the more likely option is to defer next year.
I have so many places i want to go. And i was thinking of the best way to do it. Apparently there are several different types of tickets, and the one im liking the best at the moment is a round the world 'one way' unlimited stopovers. which means that as long as you keep heading west from your start location you can zig zag to as many places as you want!

Places I want to visit!
New Zealand (Id get crucified if i didnt put this WONDERFUL country first! ^_^)
America
- San Diego (for the comic con)
- San Fransisco
- Los Angeles
- Washington
- New York
Canada (somewhere. i hear theyre nicer than yanks ^_^)
UK
Scotland (ARgh!)
Ireland (Blarney! A pint o Guinness in a trad Irish pub!)
All over Britain especially to historical sites eg Bath, Stone Henge etc.
Visit Grandma in Sussex, and Nicole in Manchester
Europe
- Germany! (take the Luther tour.. and the beer! :D but dont mention the war!)
- Finland (the motherland! might stay a while here!)
Egypt (walk like an Egyptian)
Italy (so much history/music culture)
Austria (I'll be back?)
Greece/Crete (soo much history)
Hungary (ZOLTAN! (kodaly!))
Japan - this will be another long stop! must try to assimilate some more language and heh heh. manga. and the lifestyle and see if i would like teaching here.

But yes! must go now! i hear the cries of an innocent in distress! HAH! AWAY!

SAM

# posted by Philotas @ 8:02 PM

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Thursday, March 10, 2005

Philotas Talks Back Episode PTB0001

Alright already! My inbox is clogged. I mean, i know Im a popular guy, but honestly people! give a man (a very MANLY man at that) some breathing space!
Since ive recieved so many emails and cries for help, Im going to publish only a few this first episode. So sit back and laugh as we go through somoene else's problems.

Aunty,
I think i am going insane. Every night when i go to bed, i see strange lights
outside my window. Often, i will wake up during the night, or what i perceive
to be the night, and I am in another country. It is starting to cost a lot of
money in flights home.
Do you believe in Aliens, Aunty Philotassie?

PHILOTAS TALKS BACK
Philotassie? what the? Sounds like some kinda French pastry.
Your other questions? Yes you are insane. don’t worry about the lights, its probably just the government.
Aliens? of course I don’t believe in aliens, and when we finally take over your puny planet you will work in the Salt mines.

Next.

Hey Philotas!
I would love it if you could give me some advice on the following matter:
I think i am in love with my lecturer. His voice is at just the right pitch,
he has the most handsomest eyes, he wears nice ties, and he is interested in
things that I am interested in.
What should I do? I am considering declaring my undying love for him
-Anonymous

PHILOTAS TALKS BACK
Too easy. If classic literature has taught us nothing else (And it hasn't) It's that you should always declare your undying love. To everyone. Then arrange to die a violent yet tragic but above all pointless death.

I'm on a roll.

Philotas, I have a problem.
I have a friend who is flatting with her boyfriend. What are your opinions on
this matter? Should I tell them that i disapprove? Should I let my boyfriend
move in with me?

PHILOTAS TALKS BACK
Yes to all three.
But don’t just tell them. Let them know at 3am every morning, preferably with the aid of a bucket of water, ice or rabid orang-utans.
And with your boyfriend moving in, get him to do it for you. No sense losing sleep over an inconsiderate flatmate.

I like squirrels too much.
Please help!
With much love,
Squirrel *er* Michelle

PHILOTAS TALKS BACK
Squirrel *er* Michelle, It is a scientific fact that squirrel cravings directly promote increased levels of 'furry', and denote a deficiency in both the 'cute' and 'rodent' volume in of your blood. I recommend therapy. Preferably something with wires and electrodes.

And thats all for this week's column.
Once again, you can get all your problems solved by just emailing Me at alakazam200@hotmail.com Come on! you know you want to!

PHILOTAS

# posted by Philotas @ 11:03 AM

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Tuesday, March 08, 2005

A New Show

The Answer is not 42! or...Philotas Talks Back

Ok, Listen up everyone! Ive done Sam in, and made sure he wont be available for now. The Name is Philotas. And I, oh dear readers, am your answer to everything. Thats right. I dont deal in hyperbole.
Here's the deal. You've seen magazines have 'Agony Aunt' columns. Well, think of me as an "Agony Uncle" (Actually I prefer the term 'Pain Monkey') I will give you the definitive answers to any question in 50 words or less. Email me with your hopeless problems or assorted questions about life the universe and everything, And I will answer them right here, so you can stop asking them. Struggling with a hard choice? let me make it for you! Meaning of life eluding you? Don't worry, I know. Let me enlighten you! So lets get this show on the road!

Email your questions to: alakazam200@hotmail.com with the subject: "Philotas Talks Back" Do it now! i can almost hear the barrage of questions already! Do your worst!

PHILOTAS

# posted by Philotas @ 4:44 PM

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